Get Rich Quick

Getting rich quick – it’s a doddle.

Step 1 Firstly, assure you have no prospects or self respect – this is a vital element.

Step 2 Assure your personality/physical attributes fit one of the following types:

  • Being so good looking it hurts – whenever you delve into your reflection, and you’re greeted with that vacant pouting stare, assure you’re overwhelmed with absolute ecstasy. If people think less of you, it’s probably just because they’re ugo’s.
  • Super alternative – in the 80’s you played keys in a political Latvian techno band, and you’ve recently returned from an aid working stint in the Dominican Republic of Congo. Since your return you’ve had a sex change, and now everyone calls you Bruce.
  • ‘Marvellously’ camp – Quite literally on the verge of bursting into flames.

Step 3 Apply to all of the reality television shows, you so longingly adore.

Assuming you’ve followed the steps correctly you should now be well on your way to becoming a has-been, however on the bright side you’ve still got your 15 minutes of fame to look forward to. The public will either learn to love you, or hate you. You’re now personified Marmite – congrats.

Let’s say you were to get accepted onto your reality show of choice, what do you think the future holds? Fame and fortune, right? Have you considered the repercussions of having to return to normal working life after you burn out or the public lose interest in your talentless drivel?

Take for example Anthony Hutton, winner of 2005 Big Brother. He had a few years of low level fame, did a few photo shoots, made a poorly received fitness video, played at St. James in a charity match of Stars vs. Legends and now he’s moved back to County Durham to normal life, seeing as £50K doesn’t last forever.

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The most talked about up and coming reality show at the moment is Geordie Shore after its predecessor Jersey Shore, is soon to come to a close.

Thus far from what I’ve heard, Geordie Shore has received mixed reviews, and it’s no wonder that the city’s inhabitants are wondering what light, if any, it will shed upon the region.

From one aspect you could assume it would help put Newcastle on the map, as it’s not as well known outside the UK as one would hope. If the Americans are planning on tuning in, will they be able to get over our Northern twang? Apparently the only British accents they’re acclimatised to are Received Pronunciation, and Cockney. Anyway, that’s neither here nor there, and I digress…

It is a little surprising that the makers of MTV chose to reproduce one of their most successful shows in the North East, after the sun soaked coast of New Jersey, and I often hear people asking why – well, it probably because we know how to have a good laugh.

Newcastle is often recognised for playing host to the best night life in the country, and Newcastle Airport sees multiple groups of Stag and Hen do’s in its arrival lounge weekly.

Will the group of no doubt scantily clad applicants be partying in the Bigg Market this summer, or down The Diamond Strip? Judging by the Jersey Shore participants last year, one would assume the latter.

It seems the nation is becoming lazier when it comes to their aspirations. If you were to ask a child what they wanted to be when they grew up, just ten years ago you would get something along the lines of Doctor, Policeman or Astronaut. However now there’s a lot more of ‘I just want to be famous’, reality television isn’t just brainwashing the kids, but the entire nation. We’ve got to remember ‘Famous’ isn’t a job.

Without trying to sound too prejudice, currently there are a lot of people taking the ‘I can’t be arsed’ approach to fame, which consequentially lead to the fateful boom in shit telly in the 00’s.

Have we become so dissatisfied with what the world has to offer in terms of employment, that we reckon the best way to make it nowadays is to exploit ourselves on television, exposing all of our secrets and idiosyncrasies to the world?

Of course this doesn’t apply to everyone, however in reality, (no pun intended) these shows have taken over the prime time slot, and thus taking over our evenings in. We’re drawn in before we know what’s happened, and the next step is always the worrying one, when you begin to question yourself – would I do that?

On that note, it does seem I’ve gone full circle here, and that’s exactly how shows like Big Brother or I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here got so popular.

I asked a group of University students from all over the country, ranging in ages from 18 – 23 on whether they would consider applying for something alike Big Brother.

Out of the twelve students I interviewed, only one of them said they would be interested in applying, and it would have only been when the show was in its infancy:

“The first few series’ seemed pretty genuine and the show didn’t have the kind of outlandish personalities they had in the more recent series. I would have considered applying for BB at the start but not now, I think the housemates are just made to be nasty and cruel.” – Amy Brown, Staffordshire University.

Others weren’t interested in applying for obvious reasons, invasion of privacy and what not, of which I’m sure you can agree is a justified reasoning.

All in all if there’s a way of making money out there from doing very little, people are always going to be rather interested, the real question is to what lengths would you be willing to go?

Reality television is here to stay, and with it there’ll be new 15 minute celebrity faces born – I just hope that one day it doesn’t take over.

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